The Last Joke
by Ninja Master
Summary: Ron becomes the Joker while on a mission to a chemical plant and finds out that Kim is cheating on him. New beta version.
1. Chapter 1 My Live Is A Joke

Chapter 1: My life is a Joke

I went over to Kim's house. I knew her parents wouldn't be home, and what the hell. Sometimes, a guy's got needs, ya know?

There were no lights on, which I thought was kinda odd. I rang the doorbell. Waited, but she didn't open the door. So I let myself in.

When I walked upstairs, I heard voices from Kim's room. The conversation didn't fill me full of good cheer and good will towards all mankind.

"Why are you dating that loser, Ron?"

"I don't know, Josh. Eric was made by Drakken, and I didn't think about it the time."

"So you used him, Kim?"

"Yeah, I did."

Then they both laughed and started to make out, I heard them do it. I swear, if I'd had a gun I'd have charged in there and blown both their brains out.

Instead, I left and slammed the door on my way out. Threw the flowers in a trash can. Should have pissed on them before I did that, now that I think about it.

I was heading home when something hit me. I fell to the ground. What felt like moments later, I found that I was in a hotel room. Tied to a chair. "Ow, my head..."

"He's awake," said one of the goons.

I knew I was just asking for trouble, but I said it anyway. "Got any painkillers?"

The goon punched me in the face, but I just chuckled.

"What's so funny?" Mr. No-Neck demanded.

"Just the night I'm having." And boy, ain't that an understatement.

"Sidekick, you're gonna help us get rid of Kim Possible."

I let out another chuckle. "Like I'm really going to help you douchebags? I've got a lump on my head the size of Mt. Rushmore!"

"That's it, I'm gonna beat the crap out of you!" said Mr. No-Neck. Okay, I think I'm in trouble.

"Jim, I'll take care of this."

"Alright, fine." He sighed and opened the door, quickly departing.

After Jim left, the goon pulled out a knife. Begin to cut upward into my lips.

"AAAAAAH!" I screamed in pain. I could taste the blood dribbling down my chin, I shit you not.

Next did the same to the left side. "AAAAAAAAAH!" I screamed out in more pain than before.

More blood dripped down from the cuts. That's when the goon got creative; next, he started on my chest. My back. My arms and my legs. I was a mess of blood, and the room had started to smell like a slaughterhouse.

And that's when I lost it. Hey, at that point I started imagining Kim being here with Josh and both of them laughing at me as they held hands together? All that anger, all that fury, all that HATE...

My smile broke into a grin. I licked the blood with my tongue. And that's when I come up with a plan.

"Okay, enough! How about we make a deal? I'll bring you KP after you untie me and I clean myself up a bit, I'll tell her I escaped and that we have to hurry in order to catch you."

"How do I know you won't rat us out?"

"The fact that I caught her cheating on me tonight, good enough for you?"

"Okay, sidekick, you got yourself a deal." He cut the ropes.

Then he just stood there, grinning at me. Like he was perfectly safe, and there was nothing a blood-soaked wreck like me could do to him.

That's it. I picked up the goddamn chair and hit him over the head with it. The goon collapsed to the floor. I guess that's overconfidence for you...

Took the knife from his hand. Did the same thing to him that he did to me. Hey, what's good for the goose is good for the gander, and whoever said that revenge is a dish best served cold is a friggin' moron, if you ask me.

So then I put the blade to his neck and sliced it. River of blood comes pouring out. That'd teach him not to mess with a joker.

"AHAHAHAHA!" My laugh sounded dark, as I smeared the blood around my lips. I didn't care, though. Light, dark, what the hell does it matter anymore?

I pulled out a bomb then set it down. I'd made the bomb while I was still Zorpox. Damned if that doesn't feel like good times now.

Next is the tracking chip. Took it out from my pocket and dropped it. Opened the door. Closed the door behind me as I walked down the stairs to the front doors of the place. I'm outside, looking to see if anyone's around. Guess I'd be quite a sight. When I saw no one, I pulled out the remote and pushed the button.

KA-BOOM!

I looked up to see the room on the top floor exploding. Fire bursting though the windows. Now everything is up in flames. Walked away with an evil smile.

Tonight, the Joker has been born.

To Be Continued


	2. Chapter 2 Joker Part 1

Chapter 2: Joker Part 1

A few blocks from the hotel, I flagged down a taxi. The taxi stopped and I got in.

"Where to?" the hackie asked. He didn't say anything about the blood on my clothes and face; so I guess he's seen worse in his line of work over the years.

Anyway, I told him my address. On the way home he asked, "Had a bad night?"

"Yeah, dude, you could say that."

Luckily, he didn't seem to want to continue the conversation. Let out a big sigh. Looking out the window, I saw we were leaving Lowerton and heading to Middleton. Might need to see a doctor about the cuts. But if that happens to be Mrs. P, I'll be in deep trouble.

Thing was, I'd just killed someone. Maybe more than one someone, because of the bomb. And no way in hell I'm going to Arkham. The rumors about that place got on my nerves.

Still, that wasn't my real concern. It was Josh and Kim - why would KP do that to me? She was my only friend ever since pre-k. Before Rufus and Felix.

Then it came to me. That's when I finally realized Kim was just like all the rest of them.

All my life, people have looked down on me. Calling me a loser and what-not. Laughing at me behind my back - and even in front of it, sometimes. I hate them all for it. Took Kim long enough to find out I had feelings for her. And she just ends up betraying me with Josh.

I might have to do something about that, besides just storming out of the house like an upset little girl.

Finally we arrive home. "How much?" I asked.

"It's on me," the hackie said shortly, and I could see the gun in his hand.

"Thanks," I said as I got out and the taxi drove away. "See you around."

My parents weren't home, like always. Unlocked the door, then went inside. Cleaned myself up, and started applying band-aids in front of the mirror. Those cuts on my face will leave scars, that's for sure. With the right face paint, though, I can cover them up. No one would know about what happened.

Looked like I had a permanent smile on my face, though. Well, at least I didn't have a second smile all the way around my throat.

Opened my mouth and saw all my teeth. I have two visibly ugly scars that clothes won't conceal, but no big. Not like I was considered hot or good-looking before. Going to a doctor that can fix it is obviously the next order of business. KP would freak, have Wade look into it.

Guess that's one less thing to worry about now.

Tossed the tux to the floor of my bedroom. So much for the lame-ass impromptu date I didn't go on. Got dressed then went to bed. Dark thoughts entered my mind. And I'm talking Darth Vader-esque or the Emperor reborn type dark thoughts, people.

The next day I put flesh-tone face paint over the scars. There's no way anyone can tell that the scars are there now. Good thing mom and dad are off enjoying themselves someplace. That woulda made things kinda inconvenient for me.

With that tracking chip gone, I don't have to worry about Kim or Wade finding out what happened last night either.

Went downstairs for breakfast, then off to school. On my way to my locker, I ran into Bonnie.

"Watch where you're walking, loser!" she said. But she didn't even look at me, I swear. The words came out of her mouth on automatic.

"No, you should watch where you're going, bitch!" I yelled at her. Guess I'd just had it with Bonnie being such a bitch all time. Too bad I didn't keep that goon's knife from last night; I might have carved my initials into her face. Teach her a lesson she'd never forget.

Bonnie's eyes went wide, as if she couldn't believe it. She didn't say anything after that. Some students looked at us like there was going to be a fight, like I was gonna throw down with a girl.

Puh-lease! Didn't want to wait for Mr. B to show up, so I left. Got my books from the locker then went to class.

I couldn't help hearing kids saying, "Did you hear about the explosion at a hotel in Lowerton?" "Yeah, I saw it on the news!" "It was so cool!"

Morons. Still, I smiled, 'cause no one knew it was me. That's the cool thing about anonymity; people call you cool and never know it's you they're talking about.

Anyway, I sat down at my desk. Then Kim came in before the bell rang. She sat next to me, oh joy.

"What happened between you and Bonnie?" the no-good cheater asked.

"Oh, that was nothing KP."

"I'm sorry about last night-"

"Yeah, so?" I said back.

"Ron, what's wrong?" she said to me, looking confused. I swear, I could have gutted her right there.

"You and Josh going at it behind my back!"

How did he find out? Kim asked herself. "Listen, Ron..."

"Okay, class, let's get started," the teacher interrupted her. I just gave Kim a glare, and she wisely shut up. But I knew that wouldn't be the end of it.

Later that night, she tried to apologize. I told her I didn't want to hear it, that we were through. She tried the old tears and moans routine. I told her to cut it out and act her age. And that's when I did something stupid.

I let Shego blast me. Guy took me totally by surprise. I fell off the catwalk. Into a bunch of chemicals down below.

SPLASH!

"Ron, NOOO!" Kim Possible screamed.

"Kimmie, looks like you just lost your sidekick," Shego said with a smile.

This didn't look good for our heroine, folks.

To Be Continued


	3. Chapter 3 Joker Part 2

Chapter 3: Joker Part 2

While I was taking a bath in some non-FDA rated chemicals, a rather amusing conversation was taking place above me.

"So, Kimmie, I figure it's gonna be kinda hard to find yourself a new sidekick once word gets out what happened to the last one?" Shego asked with a huge smile on her face.

"Shut up, Shego!" Kim punched her and knocked her out cold. Soon enough, the cops showed up, handcuffed Shego then sent her off to Arkham. Eh, good riddance.

Even though I didn't know it till later, Kim left the chemical plant at that point. Apparently, she couldn't believe I was dead.

I suppose she must have at least one working brain cell left, because I wasn't. After what seemed an eternity, I finally climbed out of that damned acid bath.

I ralphed purple crap from the chemicals. My skin was white, scars and lips blood red. Go figure.

I also had green hair. My freckles were no longer there on my face. Again, go figure. That musta been some NASTY shit I took a bath in.

My clothes were ruined, big surprise. Then it started raining when I staggered outside.

"AHAHAHAHA!" I laughed like a madman. Rain poured down on my head as I headed for home.

At home I decided to burn my Zorpox costume. I mean, really, what was I thinking? A nice suit would be better. So I give Sweeney Todd a call. Mr. Todd is one of the best tailors for villains, after all.

Decided to go ahead on working on my new inventions, which'll take a while. I'll make them all pay. Tricity deserves a better class of villain and I'm gonna give it to them. May as well get rid of the mission clothes too. Burn, burn, burn!

I noticed Rufus was hiding from me. When he saw me come home, I bet he bolted. Too bad. Ah well, that part of my life was over anyway.

Next day at school, everyone was sad to hear that I'd died. Tara stared to cry. She'd had a crush on me at one time. Hmm, maybe I should keep an eye on her. She's not too difficult on the old optic nerves, after all.

Josh hugged Kim as she cried into his chest. Now I remember why I always called him Monkey instead of Mankey.

Screw it. I decided to go pick up my new suit. Paid off Mr. Todd, and added a generous tip.

"Stop on by again any time, Mr. Joker."

Cool name. "Thanks, I will."

The pleasantries over with, I went to the dressing room. Put on my yellow pants, then the red shoes. Next was the black long sleeve shirt followed by a red, black and yellow vest. Last I put on a red trench coat and a yellow tie. Clipped on a chain to my pants. Combed back my green hair. Put on my black gloves. Got out of the dressing room. And then...

I saw Drakken. Jesus Christ - no, wait, I'm Jewish - but still, I couldn't believe what I was seeing for a second.

Half of his face was badly burned, and he had a coin in his hand. The guy was wearing a suit which was half black and half blue. The tie and shirt were the same, like the suit. One shoe was black, the other shoe blue.

Talk about the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde look. Well, at least I don't look that bad. Not that there's anything wrong with the crazy look, but not even Shego would work for the guy in his current condition - may she burn in hell, the bitch.

I walked out of the store. Decided to go to Josh's house. I waited for him to come home like a good boy.

He opened the front door when I knocked, and I swear his eyes bulged out like a frog's as soon as he recognized me. Then I hit him over the head with a crowbar.

THUMP! He fell to the floor like a sack of potatoes. I musta knocked him out cold. Well, obviously, that was no fun.

So I pulled him out the door by his arms. Picked up the crowbar and put it in my coat. I took Josh to an old warehouse, one I remembered from the old days. Tied him to a chair. Slapped Josh upside the head a couple of times. His eyes finally started to open.

"Good, you're still alive. Well, for now," I chuckled darkly.

"What the hell do you want from me?" Monkey sounded panicked. I kinda liked that.

Pulled out my switchblade from my coat pocket. Tossed the switchblade back and forth for a while. A grin came across my face. "Why so serious? Come on, pal. Turn that frown upside down. You gotta face oblivion with a smile on your dial!"

I grinned when I saw the shock and terror in his eyes. On yeah, I kept grinning as I cut a smile on the pretty boy's face and put the switchblade away. It's a shame that Kim isn't here with us this fine evening, come to think of it, and I actually say so.

"You stay away from her! If you hurt her, I'll..."

"You'll do what? Stop me?" I let loose an insane laugh. I mean, heck, that was the ultimate joke as far as I was concerned.

Took out the crowbar from my trench coat. "Before I kill you, Monkey, I have something to say. Nothing personal, but the fact that you tried to steal my girlfriend - make that EX-girlfriend, sorry - means only one thing. And what is that, you ask? Simple. The joke's on you." I hit him in the ribs with the crowbar.

A pained grunt. "Ron-"

"Ron? Ron's dead, my friend. No one here by that name anymore, nosiree. I'm the Joker now."

I hit him again, harder. Then again, and again, and again. He coughed up blood, but not as much as I wanted to see. His ribs were now broken, given he's bleeding from the mouth. Josh's lungs must have been perforated. I don't know how he did it, but he fell down on the floor still tied to the chair. I lifted him up off the floor, and he started choking.

Thirty seconds later, Josh was dead. I sighed. Guess I overdid it a bit with the crowbar. Ah well, I guess the joke was on me after all, I'd wanted this to last a lot longer.

Put a Joker card in his hand. I figure, maybe the joke was still on him - or maybe KP, when she found out what happened to her lover boy.

"AHAHHAHAHA!" Laughing, I left the warehouse.

Even though I didn't know it, Wade soon called Kim and told her what had happened to Josh. Darned if I can figure out how he learned about it so fast. Anyway, when Kim got there, she saw the police cars at the scene of the crime.

"Oh God, no!" she screamed, as soon as she saw the body.

Let's face it, folks, our heroine was not having a good week...

To Be continued..


	4. Chapter 4 Die With A Smile

Chapter 4: Die with a Smile

It's kinda odd how stuff can sometimes work out for you, even when you're not trying. Kinda like that old film, "How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying". Man, I wonder what it'd be like to work some place like World Wide Wickets?

Ah, hell, I'm digressing.

Even though I didn't know it yet, Drakken - now known as Two-Face - was flipping a coin in his hand. Guy looked seriously out of it. His lair was starting to look a little on the Jekyll and Hyde side as well, if you ask me.

"Where's Shego?" good ol' Two-Face suddenly wanted to know.

"She's been taken to Arkham, sir," one not-so-bright henchman actually decided to speak up.

"Damn it! Shego has failed me for the last time!" Man, what a drama queen.

The way I heard it later, he was thinking "should I shoot this henchman or not?" So he decided to flip the coin. The coin landed in his hand with the scratch side on top. So he took out his gun and fired. BANG! The henchman hit the ground. "Blast that Kim Possible!"

Like I said, total drama queen. Make that INACCURATE drama queen. I hate the fact how that prick could never even remember my name. Former name, whatever.

Anyway, back on the night in question Kim saw Josh covered in blood. He had a smile cut into his face with dried blood all over it. Holding a Joker card in one hand.

I knew KP well enough to know she'd been almost sick just to see him like that. I'm sure she took the Joker card from his hand and scanned it for Wade to examine, as soon as she went home. The cops woulda put Monkey in a body bag and zipped it closed after the CSI team were done with him.

Still, what did I care? Finally, my inventions were finished. Time to test the Joker venom.

"AHHAHAHAHAHA!" I grinned madly. I knew my parents would be home soon. I needed a pair of guinea pigs, so they'll do - I'll test it on them.

I heard a car pull up into the driveway. I saw Mr. and Mrs. Stoppable open up the front door and turn on the light.

They saw me. A young man waiting for them. Someone with ghost-white skin, a blood-red smile on his face, a scar on each side of his lips and green hair. Wearing a suit which was red, black and yellow. Sitting in a armchair with a look of insanity in his brown eyes.

Hey, I'm allowed to describe myself that way if I want. What's the point of being crazy if you can't say or think whatever you want, whenever you want?

"Hey, mom and dad. Welcome home."

"Ronald, is that you?" I swear, my mother really is the type who'd leave her head lying around if it wasn't screwed on tight.

"Actually, it's the Joker." I chuckled insanely. I had an evil smile on my face. I bet it sent chills down their spines.

"Ron, what happened to you?" Geez, Dad, I didn't know you cared.

"It's a long story, and I don't really want to tell it. Just sit down." They both sat down on the couch. "Oh, by the way, goodbye." I took out a bomb with Joker venom in it from my coat. Before they could say anything or try to stop me, I tossed the bomb to the floor. Joker venom filled the living room.

Their faces turn white with blood-red lips. Well, wouldn't this be a nice picture for the ol' family album? Finally, there's a bit of resemblance between us.

As my parents laughed themselves to death, I dropped two Joker cards at their feet behind me. "AHAHAHAHA!"

I shoulda known KP would be on the case, though.

"Wade, find anything yet?"

"Nothing, Kim. Not even fingerprints."

"He could have been wearing gloves."

"I guess so. Still, all we have here is just a normal playing card. Be careful, Kim. We've never faced a villain that kills before." Damn right you haven't, Wade. I'm beginning to think your rep is kinda over-rated.

'The Joker Strikes Again!' was the screaming headline on the front page the next day. Which Mr. Possible was reading, ha-ha.

"Good grief! The newspaper says there were two dead bodies found at the Stoppable's residence. Two Joker cards were found at the scene. The victims had white faces with blood red smiles. Oh no, they were Ron Stoppable's parents." Mr. Possible then set the paper down, staring at his wife. Apparently, they were both looking to be on the verge of a heart attack.

Kim came downstairs. "Good morning, Dad. Mother."

"Kimmie, I'm so sorry. But I have bad news. Ronald's parents were killed last night," Mr. P said.

When I heard, it just about made my whole freaking millennium. The fact that tears came pouring out of her eyes was just icing on the cake. As far as she knew I'd died, and now my parents were dead too. And Josh was dead as well. As far as she was concerned, the Joker had killed three people already.

Glory hallelujah.

A while later, I decided to follow Two-Face on a whim after going out in disguise. The guy had decided to rob a bank. Well, good for him; the money's gotta come from somewhere. But as I played the part of a hostage, I winced as I saw how slowly his henchmen put money into the bags. Please, Shego could have done it in half the time.

I saw him point his gun at the president of the bank. Then Drakken - sorry, Two-Face - flipped a coin to decide what to do, which landed in his hand. Man, what a stupid shtick for a so-called supervillain.

"It's your lucky day, you live." Ugh, big deal.

They were about to leave when KP showed up. I knew they'd pay for the tardiness thing. She took out the henchmen, but never even noticed me.

"Damn you, Kim Possible!" Screw the drama queen thing, Two-Face was a complete ham.

"You're going to Arkham, Drakken!" Better make that a pair of hams.

"I don't think so." He aimed at Kim's head. But KP kicked the gun out of Drakken's hand. Hey, she may be a bitch who cheated on me, but don't ever discount what Kim Possible is capable of doing when her brain isn't fighting against her instincts.

They started to fight, hand to hand. POW! He punched her in the face. BAM! She punched him right back. Damned if I didn't know who to be rooting for, at that precise moment.

Finally KP grabbed Drakken's arm then threw him to the floor. BAM! Kicked him not QUITE in the groin, but close enough. Hmmm.

In the end, Two-Face and his henchmen were taken away, and all the hostages - including me - were released. And yet, no one noticed the Joker was there.

I guess our heroine was finally having a good day. Too bad for her it wouldn't last.

To Be continued


	5. Chapter 5 Agent Of Chaos Part 1

Chapter 5 Agent of Chaos Part 1

I'm glad I made the headlines today. I'm the Joker, it makes me want to laugh.

"AHAHAHAHAH!"

Hmm, I think I need to put a bit more 'oomph' in it. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Well, what the hell. Maniacal bwa-ha-ha-ha's make me want to start tossing the newspaper in the air. But that gets old fast, so I decided to sit back down to eat breakfast. It's the most important meal of the day, no joke.

What was a joke, as far as I was concerned, was that within Arkham, Two-Face was sitting a table with Shego.

"Long time no see, Dr. D."

"Likewise, Shego." Holy shit, they're currently locked up in the loony bin - and yet they're acting like they're still 'business as usual' in his lair? Retards, both of them.

Well, I had other priorities at the time, namely watching Mr. Barkin get into his car. KA-BOOM! The car blew up in flames. I left a couple of Joker cards as I left the scene, my heart singing with joy. Sure hope they don't start to burn.

Meanwhile, Mr. Possible had just ordered pizza. Kim was on a mission, and Tim and Jim were at a friend's house. And how did I know that, you may ask? Simple. I do my homework.

So I ring the doorbell. "I'll get it!" KP's dad said. I actually heard him say that, the schmuck. You'd think he'd totally forgotten my parents had been killed in their home a short while ago.

So when he opened the door, the pizza guy - yours truly in disguise, of course - pulled out a gun. BANG! BANG! Both Mr. and Mrs. Possible collapsed on the floor, bleeding out. I hafta admit, it just wasn't as much fun as I thought it'd be.

I put the gun away, then took out a switchblade from my pants pocket. I smiled as I cut smiles into their faces with my blade. Painted their faces white, then the scars and their lips red. Set them in the chairs. Then I put their heads face down on the table. Oooh, mustn't forget Joker cards in Mr. Dr. P and Mrs. Dr. P's hands.

Once that was done, I returned to the good old hideout. I was pretty sure GJ and Wade wouldn't find my hideout, no matter how hard they tried, but it doesn't pay to take chances. Took off my mask. Then the fake hands which covered my white hands like gloves. Put the pizza guy disguise into a closet.

Sat down on the couch to watch TV, while eating my pizza. Hey, no point in letting it go to waste, is there?

A while later, I got a tip-off. I went over to Arkham, just in time to see Drakken/Two-Face and Shego take out the guards during their escape attempt. They came to a wall, and Shego must have made a ball of plasma between her hands and fired it at the damn wall!

BOOOOM! There's a big hole with a green glow, what's left of the wall wouldn't be enough to restrain a mouse let alone a supervillain.

At that moment, I was kinda torn. I mean, it would give me SUCH a happy to slice open Shego's throat for what she did to me. Two-Face not so much, but her - definitely.

And yet, SOMETHING held me back. I don't know what - maybe a leftover from that Mystical Monkey Power. After the glow died down, I let them make their escape. All good things in time, I guess.

Speaking of which, I hired a couple of goons to kidnap Bonnie on her way home from school. I had plans for that girl, so I had them tie her up at the abandoned circus grounds.

"Let me go!"

"Shut up!" One of the goons was about to hit her with his gun. But I stopped him.

"No hitting BonBon with a gun, ya big ape. That wasn't what I hired you for."

"Sorry, boss." Hmm, maybe I should let him live?

But then Bonnie had to open her big mouth. Girl had a serious lack of survival instincts. "So you're the Joker?" she asked me.

"Indeed I am." I let out a dark chuckle. Sometimes, it's good to be me.

"Kim will stop you!"

"Yeah, I was actually planning on that. Now, BonBon, let's tie you up above the tank and fill it with Joker venom. Won't that be fun?"

One of my goons lowered Bonnie down from the ceiling, while the other goon filled the tank. Dang, but they took their own sweet time about it. Good help is hard to find, I swear.

"Don't worry, it'll be all over soon. AHAHAHAHA!" I say to dear old Bonnie, as I put a blade to hang next to the rope. Ready to cut, any time.

"I can't believe I'm going to to die, this is so unfair!" Bonnie started weeping.

"Well, start believing it BonBon." I laughed madly. Damn, but she actually has a nice body. Amazing how the sight of her can suddenly turn me on at a time like this.

"Kim Possible is here, boss." Ah, that's the goon I was considering letting him live. I guess his chances of survival just got better.

"Then let the game begin."

A timer started to count down to zero. As the blade started cutting Bonnie's rope, Kim got past all the deadly traps with just a few cuts. Well, good for her - I don't want her to die just yet.

I licked my scarred red lips. At that moment, KP was actually making me kinda horny. "Kim, you made it in one piece. Congratulations."

"This ends now, Joker!"

"Honey, that's what you think."

Time was running out for BonBon. What would KP do? Of course, I knew what she would do - there was a time I would have been right there helping her do it. But that was before Josh, and before Shego.

The goons came in holding pipes and guns. Kim took out the goons while I got away. POW! BAM! HI-YAH! KA-POW!

Just as I thought. The goons lay on the ground as Kim fired her hair dryer, and saved Bonnie before she fell into the tank of Joker venom.

"Bonnie, are you alright?"

"Not really, Kim."

She untied good ol' BonBon, and then came after me. The Joker, that is. Amazing how she hasn't figured out who I really am yet. Hmm, should I tell her?

Hearing laughter behind her, KP turned around but no one was there.

Looking down, she finally saw the bomb I'd sent rolling her way.

To Be Continued


	6. The Rise Of TwoFace One Shot Part 1

The Rise of Two-Face Part 1

Bruce Wayne, a.k.a. the Batman, was certainly having an interesting evening.

First off, his butler Alfred had warned him that his health was going to suffer if he didn't start eating right. His former protégé Nightwing had told him that he'd gotten involved with a woman that Batman might not approve of. And just now, Catwoman had somehow managed to sneak up on him, in the darkness of the night.

"You're slipping, Bats," Selina Kyle told Bruce Wayne with a delicious purr, as they stood together on the roof of a high-rise building. "Time was, I could never have snuck up on you that way."

"What do you want, Selina?" Batman said in that low, rumbling voice.

As always, Catwoman did the unexpected. She threw herself into Bruce's arms and kissed him full on the mouth. Her tongue forced its way passed his teeth, and Selina grabbed hold of Batman tightly until oxygen became an issue for both of them.

"Would you believe it if I told you that I came to find you, because I wanted you? That we should go to your Batcave or back to my Cat-lair, and make love to one another until the sun comes up?" Catwoman said, after Batman finally tore his lips away from hers.

"No," Batman growled irritably, fighting temptation as he pushed her away.

"Well, then, Bruce, you're obviously no fun," Catwoman smiled, knowing just how tempted he'd been right now. Not that she wasn't in the mood for it as well, as Batman was the only guy who could ever keep up with her – even if Selina could never quite bring herself to give up her thieving ways for Bruce, in order for them to be together openly.

"Why did you come after me tonight, Catwoman?" Bruce asked, no longer willing to use her real name.

Selina sighed. "Because someone thought they could bribe me to keep you busy until dawn. The intermediary didn't know much, just that the plan involved Arkham Asylum..."

With a loud whooosh, Batman was gone.

"...and I knew that as soon as I told you that, you wouldn't be in the mood for us to be all snuggle-you anymore," Catwoman said with a sigh. "One of these days, Bruce, I swear..."

At the same time, Bane broke into Arkham with henchmen wearing the uniform of the supervillain known as Zorpox.

BOOOMM! Bane's fist smashed into the outside wall, easily creating an opening for them. In a blitzkrieg maneuver they ran across the courtyard, killing anyone who got in their way. They then made their way inside as guards ran to the cell area, guns out and ready to shoot.

"We need backup in cell block 85!" said a guard into a walkie-talkie.

Just as Batman was on his way to Arkham in the Batmobile, the attackers decided to kick it up a notch into high gear. BANG! BANG! BANG! The henchmen fired and killed the guards.

Bane grabbed the bar door of Drakken's cell. With his obscenely huge strength, he ripped them loose and tossed the bars into a wall! BAM!

"Stay the hell away from me!" Drakken yelled in fear of Bane. He knew who the villain was, after all.

Hearing this, Shego blasted out her way out from her own cell nearby. "Hey, you ugly son of a bitch!"

"You're dead," said Bane emotionlessly, as he turned around and faced the female criminal.

Shego smiled, and fired green balls of fire at him. BLAST! BLAST! BLAST! BLAST!

But after Bane took the hits, he was still standing. Shego couldn't believe it, no one had ever been immune to her powers before!

Well, apart from that one time...

Bane punched her and she went flying into the air. SLAM! Shego hit the floor like a broken sack of potatoes. The floor actually creaked under her impact. Luckily for Shego, she had excellent healing powers or she would have been killed from the impact.

Bane threw two new guards out of the away. The henchmen knocked out Drakken, then took him with them as the bad guys made their daring getaway.

Batman was too late to stop them. "What happened here?" he demanded in his gravelly voice as he finally arrived on the scene.

"Bane and some men wearing black costumes with a Z on them, they took Drakken," one of the surviving guards said. "Drakken's flunky, Shego, she got away as well."

Batman grunted, then whirled around and left. He saw the Bat Signal in the sky, and knew what to do next.

After talking with Commissioner Gordon, Batman left the rendezvous point. High above, a henchman that had been shot in the leg during the prison break saw Batman though his red lens goggles. He pulled out his gun and started aiming at Batman.

Without looking up, Batman threw a bat-shaped boomerang. The henchman's gun got knocked out of his hand.

Batman flew up to the roof with one of his technological gadgets and grabbed the henchman by his costume. "Where's Drakken?"

"You don't scare me," the goon spat back hatefully.

Batman lifted him up off the ground. There was utterly no humanity in his voice as he said, "You should be scared. Because I'm not a cop, I have my own ways of dealing with scum like you."

The henchman looked like he was going to shit himself. "The others took Drakken to the old municipal building in Middleton!"

Batman threw the henchman aside, and he fell unconscious as his head hit the ground. Leaving, the Dark Knight quickly drove off towards Middleton.

In the abandoned old municipal building, the henchmen were tying Drakken's arms and legs to a chair, while they were setting up a metal gasoline barrel with a bomb on top of it. A henchman started the timer for the bomb, while another removed the duct-tape off Drakken's mouth.

"OWW!" Drakken yelled in annoyance. "Imbecile! That hurt!"

He looked at their costumes. They were wearing the same one that Zorpox, a.k.a. Ron Stoppable, had once worn. "So, he's back? Unbelievable. I mean, I can't believe that the buffoon actually has henchmen, that is," Drakken sneered.

"Once the bomb goes off, you're a dead man," said one of the henchmen. "Now shut up and die!"

They left and quickly vanished outside of the building. At the same time, Shego was racing down the street on a black and green motorcycle.

"Who'd have thought Kimmie's sidekick could hire Bane, and have planned all this out?" Shego said to herself. "I KNEW there was a reason why I was kinda frightened of him, way back when..."

Batman got out of the Batmobile, as he arrived on the scene. Realizing that their plan was now in jeopardy, the henchmen came out of hiding in order to fight Batman.

Too bad for them, all that accomplished was to get their asses kicked!


	7. The Rise Of TwoFace One Shot Part 2

The Rise of Two-Face Part 2

Not far away, Bane threw a gasoline barrel at Shego. She jumped off the motorcycle, just as it hit the barrel. KA-BOOOMM! The motorcycle blew up in a blast wave of heat and destruction!

Quickly, Shego high-kicked Bane with her acrobatic agility. SLAM! Bane hit the street hard. He was so massive that a giant dent appeared in the ground underneath him.

Inside the building, Drakken tried to get free from the ropes. He struggled hard, and in his desperate attempts to get free Drakken knocked down the barrel with the bomb on top of it. They both ended up on the floor.

Drakken watched as gasoline poured out on the floor. Half of his face lay in the puddle. No doubt about it, this wasn't looking good for Kim Possible's arch-foe.

At that moment, Batman opened the door.

"Get me out of here!" Drakken screamed, never so glad to see a superhero in his life.

With only seconds to spare, Batman cut the ropes. Grabbing his prisoner, he got them outside – and then, just a few steps from the building, the bomb went off!

BOOOOOMMM!

Fire burst out through the walls. Batman was able to shield Drakken from the brunt of the explosion. But the fire still got on to his face and neck, igniting the gasoline he'd been drenched in.

Screaming in pain, Drakken slapped his hands onto his half-burning face, desperately trying to save himself and put out the fire. "AAAAAHHH!" he screamed in pain from the burns.

Not far away, Shego punched Bane in the face. KA-POW! Weakened, battered and bruised, Bane finally fell face down on the street. Too bad for her, Shego never noticed Batman's baterang coming until it had knocked her out cold.

When she woke up, Shego found herself handcuffed and a prisoner; just like Bane. She was eventually taken back to Arkham after helping Batman with Drakken. Getting him to the Upperton hospital, that is.

Batman put Drakken's coin on a table next to the bed, a parting gift from Shego. "She said she wanted you to have it."

After Batman left, Drakken came to. He looked around, seeing that he was restrained in a hospital room. Ignoring the handcuffs chaining him to the bed, Drakken picked up the coin off the table.

"Hmm." He turned it on the other side. There was a scratch mark, maybe from the fire. "Shego gave this to me as a gift, I'll wager she's going to kill me," Drakken laughed.

A nurse came into the room. "Time for your meds, Mr. Drakken."

The nurse's pills were supposed to help with the pain. Drakken had to admit, he could do with something like that right now.

"You'll have to take the rest later," the nurse said, averting her eyes.

"How's my face look?" Drakken demanded, as she took off the cloth bandages to apply some sort of lotion.

"It's, it's not that bad," the nurse said, trying not to make her patient mad.

"Woman, give me a mirror!"

The nurse handed him the mirror. Drakken instantly saw that half his face was black and red, with barely a piece of flesh over his teeth.

"You call this not bad?" he yelled at her. Just before he tossed the meds to the floor, and then threw the mirror at the door. "Get the hell out!"

She ran out the room, scared. Well, who wouldn't be?

Elsewhere, a woman knocked on a dirty and grimy door. Jim, the one surviving goon who had managed to escape from tonight's debacle, opened up the door. "Boss?"

"I've lost Bane," the supervillain known as Poison Ivy said in an icy tone of voice, as she strode into the lair.

"I'm sorry, boss," Jim said nervously. "Uh, I guess no one thought that that Shego chick would prove to be so loyal to Drakken..."

"And yet, she was," Poison Ivy said silkily, staring at her minion; who was still wearing the uniform of Zorpox.

Jim noticed her stare, and quickly yanked the costume off. "Well, at least no one knows it was you who arranged for all this to happen tonight, right? I mean, everyone's going to blame that guy Ron Stoppable, they'll think he's become Zorpox again. Hell, the word on the street is that a couple of the guys are going to try to 'convince' him to give them Kim Possible..."

"I don't care," Poison Ivy said, blissfully ignorant of what her actions this night would soon give birth to: the Joker. "All I care about is that I've lost my poor, dear, Bane." She drifted forward, and puckered her lips. "Give me a kiss."

"NOOOO!" Jim screamed, he knew that was an automatic death sentence. He pulled out a knife, and with the desperation of the doomed he tried to stab her with it; but he was no match for Poison Ivy, who grabbed the weapon and gutted Jim with the knife like a fish.

"Good night, sweet prince," Poison Ivy said, giving him a deadly kiss on the lips anyway.

Jimmy fell face down into a puddle of his own blood. Dead.

Poison Ivy left the lair, already making plans on what to do next concerning Drakken – who would soon enough start calling himself Two-Face. 

The End


	8. Chapter 8 Agent Of Chaos Part 2

Chapter 8 Agent of Chaos Part 2

The bomb went off! BOOM!

Ah, I love it when a – no, forget it. There's no way I can pull that off, at least not without a cigar in my mouth, plus a con artist, a pilot and a black guy sporting a Mohawk glaring at me. Note to self: see if Mr. Todd can get his hands on some decent Cuban cigars.

Anyway, I watched as Kim flew through the air and landed on her back. Before she lost consciousness, I decided to mosey on over her way. I looked down at her. "Why so serious, KP?"

I figured she couldn't hear what I was saying from all the ringing in her ears, but what the hell. So I shrugged and added, "In case you were wondering, I'm not going to kill you. I enjoy making your life a living hell. It's just too much fun. AHAHAHHAHAHA!"

With nothing else to say, I then left. As I did, I noticed Kim closing her eyes and passing out.

The way I heard it, she stayed knocked out for quite a while. Finally as the rain started to pour down on her, there was a sound. BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

She pulled out her Kimmunicator, and Wade appeared on screen. "Kim!"

"Not so loud, Wade, please," our intrepid heroine replied gingerly, the way all plucky female superheroes did.

"Sorry, Kim. Drak...I mean Two-Face and Shego have broken out of Arkham. Or rather, someone broke them out, killing the guards along the way."

"No big, I'll bring them in myself." Excuse me? Kim just barely survived a bomb blast, she's still bleeding out - and now she's planning to go face her two worst enemies without any backup? Even Monkey Fist wouldn't be that stupid!

"I got more bad news, Kim. Your parents were killed barely a few hours ago." Way to go, Wade, break the bad news to her gently. Oh, wait – I mean thanks!

Tears came gushing down her eyes, mixing with the pouring rain. Too bad I couldn't see it in person, but then I had other business to attend to.

Two-Face and Shego were now at their old lair, while I was hiding in a dark corner. "Hello, my dear old friends," I said cheerfully. Of course, I'm pretty sure I sounded just as insane as that vampire Drusilla on that old TV show, Buffy the Vampire Slayer – but if it made them nervous, hey, what's the downside?

So I walked out from the dark corner, and a ceiling lamp shone down on my grinning face. Naturally, Shego lit up her hands.

"Shego? I wouldn't do that if I were you." Opening up my trench coat, I showed them the Joker venom bombs I was sporting. "One tug from my finger on the strings tied to the pins. That's all it'll take for you and your boss to laugh yourselves to death."

Shego unlit her hands then let out a bored sigh. "What do you want?"

"What do I want? World peace? Naah, boring, not to mention impossible to achieve. My old life back, before I became the clown prince of crime? Possibly, possibly, although I kinda like the new me. Hmm, a whole lot of pussy and a keg of beer. Well, what straight American male doesn't want that? Not that what's between your legs counts, Shego."

"You may be nuts, but you're obviously still a complete bastard!" Shego glared at me.

Oddly enough, though, Two-Face was grinning at me. "Yes, Shego, but he's just insane enough to interest me. Joker, I like you. Why don't we team up?"

"Team up with a mad clown?" Shego asked, looking disgusted.

Two-Face was eyeing my bombs. "Do we honestly have a choice right now?"

"Good, I'm glad you two see it my way." Without warning, I hit Shego with one of my old Zorpox specials. She starts screaming like her skin's being burned off, which pretty much makes up for the chemical bath in my book.

Two-Face looked more pissed off than anything. I told him, "She'll live. Besides, I can't have her thinking she can do whatever she wants to me and not expect to have to pay the price for it, can I?"

That confuses him, as he doesn't know who the Joker is – or rather, was. But that's okay – I look forward to telling them both the truth in my own good time.

Funnily enough, at this moment Tara was placing a red rose on Ron Stoppable's headstone. It helps to dissociate myself from that loser, even in my thoughts. After all, I'm the Joker now.

"I blame Kim for this. That heartless cheating bitch," Trying not to cry, she left the cemetery. Wow, I knew she used to like me – but Tara was shedding tears in public for ME? Get out!

Later on, Bonnie came over to Tara's house. I'm honestly not sure why.

"Hi Bonnie, come on in," Tara said, before they went to her room. "What's this about?"

Bonnie told her, "I got kidnapped by the Joker. I was so terrified, I had nightmares about it last night. If Kim hadn't been there, I would have died!"

"Well, I'm glad you're alright."

"So am I."

"Thanks. So, have you tried the latest lipstick that just came out yesterday? The one called Harlot?"

Argh, girl talk. Somebody, shoot me!

Well, anyway, after I kidnapped Tara she told me about that conversation. Then it struck me, maybe I should have chosen her way back when. Hell, why not? Everything might have been so different...

Never mind, too late now. I decided I would drive her nuts instead. It didn't take all that long, either, all I needed was to hit the right pressure points to break her mind.

For example, I tied Tara up against a pole, stripped her naked, and then I took off my own clothes before I started dancing completely nude, all the while singing the Marine fighting song.

Trust me, it's more effective than you might think.

She was screaming her lungs out by that point because Tara thought I was going to rape her, but instead, I put on the old flesh-toned make-up on my face.

Anyway, she recognized me – and then her mind snapped, just like that. Too much too soon and good old Tara was no more, instead there was only a mad woman who laughed like a harlequin clown.

Hmm, nice name.

Later at their lair, Two-Face and Shego started to make plans. They wanted to get rid of Kim Possible. Well, what else was new?

I chose that moment to come in and introduce to them a new villain calling herself Harlequin. She was dressed in a red and black jester costume, with red and black diamonds. She also had white face paint with red lips and a black domino mask.

Don't ask me why – I guess good old Tara must have secretly liked them.

"Who is this?" Shego asked in disgust, she was still pissed at me for hurting her. Too bad, bitch, you should consider yourself lucky I didn't kill you when I had the chance.

"Shego, Two-Face, I'd like to introduce you to my new best friend, Harlequin."

"A pleasure, my dear," Two-Face smiled. Well, half of his face did anyway. The other half was kinda disgusting for me to look at, and I knew Tara felt the same way.

Anyway, the two retards came up with the idea for a robbery. Harlequin and I came along for the ride. By the time the alarms were ringing, Harlequin was toting a bag filled with jewels, gold rings and cash.

Looks like she hit the jackpot.

I put the loot into the car. I wondered where Kim was? Oh well. Never mind.

Just then, KP showed up. Girl definitely wasn't at the top of her game, probably signed herself out of the hospital against medical advice. Well, that's her problem.

Anyway, Shego decided to do her thing and fire green energy at her. ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!

Then Two-Face punched her. POW! POW!  
Then Harlequin kicked Kim in the face. BAM!

Kim was covered in cuts, bloody and wounded. She looked at me while she was down and out, wondering why I didn't take my own pound of flesh. The others did too. Oh well, if they're unable to understand the best form of revenge – never go for the kill, when you can go for the pain – that's their problem.

"Why don't we just kill her right now?" Shego demanded.

"Why the rush?" I asked. "I dunno about you, Shego, but I'm having too much fun watching her constantly get hurt. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Shego rolled her eyes. "You're crazy!"

"Don't you talk like that to Mistah J!" yelled Harlequin, bless her crazy heart.

"You bastards won't get away with this!" Ah, good old KP, defiant to the end.

Two-Face pointed his gun at Kim. No, can't have that...

"Hey, Two-Face, put that away," I told him, showing him the cans of Joker venom.

He sighed and put his gun away. "You're not all that, Kim Possible!"

After all this time, that was not even remotely funny anymore.

Two-Face let out another sigh. "Damn clown. Well, you finally lost Kimmie. This is the day I finally BEAT Kim Possible!"

Harlequin then started pulling me away from the scene of the crime, and I guess Shego and Two-Face decided to skedaddle while the going was good too. Damn it, they took most of the loot!

Anyway, before the cops showed up Kim called Wade. "Wade, can you get GJ?"

"No problem, Kim. They're on the way there."

"You rock, Wade."

Later at the lair, GJ agents crashed though the windows. KP was with them! Damn party crashers!

I threw a Joker bomb at them with non-deadly laughing gas. No point in killing KP, since I love to make her suffer. While everyone was laughing their asses off, Harlequin and I made our escape.

Too bad for Shego and Two-Face, we took practically all the loot with us.

To Be Continued


	9. Chapter 9 Agent Of Chaos Part 3

Chapter 9 Agent of Chaos Part 3

Underneath the mask Bruce Wayne, a.k.a. Batman, looked torn as Nightwing took off into the darkness of the night.

"You can't order him to do what you want anymore," a familiar female voice said, as Catwoman joined the Dark Knight. "And sooner or later, the time comes when the student has to go his own way from the master. Including the woman he falls for."

Batman didn't even look at her. "He's making a mistake."

"Is he?" Catwoman sidled up to Bruce like a human feline. "Well, that's a matter of opinion. Matters of the heart often are. I mean, just how much do you think your protégé approves of me? Of US?"

"There is no 'us', Selina," Batman said in a cold voice, despite how close the woman was standing to him.

"Oh come on, Bruce. You and I both know that if I were anyone else, you'd have sent me to jail ages ago. Well, Arkham anyway. They REALLY ought to close that place down, if you ask me – just how often do people escape from there, do you think?"

"Too often," Batman replied, even as he turned and swept off into the night.

Catwoman considered following him, but then she thought better of it; it would be far more fitting for Bruce to find her waiting for him in his bed, without a stitch of clothing on. Well, after she helped herself to some of the treasures at the Wayne manor which Selina knew he kept there, solely for her to steal them.

In any case, Scarecrow ran into me - the Joker, at your service - after spraying Nightwing with the fear toxin, putting the masked crime-fighter down for the count.

"Great, I just happen to bump into the Scarecrow," I said to myself. The guy then sprayed the fear toxin at my face, as a couple of goons tried to grab me.

I was not exactly happy about that, even if it didn't affect me. So I killed the henchmen before I took out my punching glove gun, and then I fired it and knocked out the Scarecrow. I don't know how I restrained myself from gutting him then and there, but I took him to the hideout.

Little did I know that right at that moment, Two-Face and Shego were talking back in Arkham. "It's a shame the plans didn't go so well," Shego said to her employer.

"Don't worry, Shego. I'm officially serving notice to you that these walls will not hold me – hold US – for long!" Two-Face replied.

I guess the drama queen thing is still a work in progress for him. Still, that was none of my business at the time. I was busy chaining the Scarecrow to a wall.

I removed the sack off his head. "Wake up, Dr. Crane!"

Hmm, he's not paying any attention to me. Still, hitting his leg with an iron pipe ought to fix that. SLAM!

Ah, don't you love the sound of bones breaking in the morning?

He screamed, of course. "AAAAHHH!"

"You think attempting to use those two goons to kidnap me was a good idea? Well, the joke is on you my friend." I grinned insanely at him. "Do my scars scare you? Hmmm...I can guess what you're thinking. But Batman is not going to show up and save you. Sad fact is, no one is. AHAHAHHAHAHAHHA!"

Crane let out his own dark and evil laugh, despite the pain. Okay, time to up the ante a bit.

"Want to know how I got my scars? I cut myself shaving with a knife." I pulled his head back, but that was no fun. It's like talking to myself, in a way – he's just as crazy as I am.

"Foolish clown. Let me go!"

"Let you go? What kind of villain would I be if I did that? Not a very good one." So then finally, I get around to breaking his other leg. Then I tossed the iron pipe to the ground, on account of this was getting boring. "Why so serious?"

Finally, FINALLY I see fear in good old Dr. Crane's eyes.

"Let's put a smile on that face, huh?" I started to cut Dr. Crane's mouth. Then I cut the other side of his mouth. Smiling the whole time while cutting his face. Now that's a smile.

What the hell. Time to test out the playing cards. So I threw my razor sharp cards at him! WHOOSH! The cards sliced him throughout his flesh, making him bleed to death!

That'll teach the good doctor whether it's better to burn out, rather than fade away...

So then I cleaned myself up and decided to hit the hay. Big mistake, because elsewhere Harley was going up against KP in a grudge match she couldn't win. And if you think I should have kept a better eye on her, what is Harley? My puppy?

The way I heard it later, Kim dodged Harley's giant hammer after she went on the offensive. She kicked Harley's leg hard, and good old Tara fell down to the ground. The giant hammer landed on the ground too.

"Kim, you ruined our plans to get rid of you!" BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

Damn it, Harley, I could have told you that a gun wouldn't work. Kim just jumped out of the way of the bullets.

FWAK! Kim high-kicked Harley in the head. She was knocked out cold, and helpless on the ground.

"Who is she?" Kim said to herself. It didn't occur to her to take off the mask and makeup. Well, anyway, the cops finally showed up, handcuffed Harley and then took her away to Arkham.

Kim smiled at seeing the Joker's girlfriend taken away. "Good riddance. Let her rot behind bars for robbing a bank and working with Joker, Two-Face and Shego!"

"I'm sorry, Mistah J!" cried Harley, as they took her away. Well, too bad. I was smart enough to avoid Kim, even if she wasn't.

After I woke up at the hideout I said to myself, "What to do with the Scarecrow's body...hmm...burn it, bury it or throw it over a bridge. Right, the bridge it is then."

I turned to my two henchmen. "You two, get rid of the Scarecrow."

"Okay, boss," said the one of the henchmen.

I didn't bother looking as my minions unchained Dr. Crane off the wall, tossed him into the trunk and then slam it closed. I just said, "Make sure no one sees you dump the body, got it?"

"Yeah, sure, dude," said the younger one of the two henchmen. Okay, his life expectancy just went straight into the toilet.

I grinned as they drove off in the stolen car. That's when I learned what had happened to Harley.

Good help is so hard to come by.

Later I heard my boys had made sure Dr. Crane's body was never found. So I killed the younger one and the other guy, well, did I happen to mention I met a nice lady called Pam recently? She calls herself Poison Ivy, though.

Still, I had other things to do – like attend the funeral of KP's parents with a set of binoculars, from around 500 feet away.

I saw Kim, Tim and Jim meet a friend of their parents. Bruce Wayne. The way I heard it, Bruce told them that they could live with him if they wanted. Millionaire playboy that he was, the twins were more than happy to do that. I bet those guys were figuring on getting lucky with the scraps from that rich dude's table.

Oddly enough, Kim decided she wanted in as well. Later on, Batgirl showed up roughly around the time when Robin joined the Teen Titans. I was a freaking imbecile not to put it all together, right from the start – I mean, who else could Batgirl have been if not good old KP?

I got so mad, I decided to go visit an old...friend.

There was a knock at the cabin door. Gil opened up to see me standing there.

This was going to be fun...

To Be Continued


	10. Chapter 10 The Joke Is On You Part 1

Chapter 10 The Joke Is On You Part 1

"Ronnie? I heard Shego killed you!"

Damn it, this is no fun. I hate it that people think that bitch actually got the better of me. Gonna have to do something about that.

"Gil, Gil, Gil. You and your friends are really starting to piss me off."

So I pulled out a gun and opened fire at point-blank range. BANG! BANG! BANG! Three bodies hit the floor, dead.

Gil just looked down at them like a big dummy. He was about to bolt out the back door of the cabin, I knew that. He's nothing if not predictable.

So naturally, I punched Gil in the back of the head. He hit the floor, hard. Not hard enough, granted, but at least this was STARTING to become fun.

Gil got up off the floor. The guy looked pretty annoyed as he turned to face me.

SHLUP! The bastard tried tearing my old face off, like Orochimaru did. After his face got burned by Sasuke, I mean.

The white skin underneath the mask surely scared the shit out of good ol' Gil. I started grinning as I took off the blond wig and threw it into the floor. My green hair, purple suit with a green tie, green vest, blue shirt and purple gloves quickly become visible.

He tried to run again, but I quickly tackled him to the floor. Putting the switchblade to Gil's mouth, I said, "Guess we've finally got something in common, Gil. We're both freaks, you and I. You may no longer look like The Creature From the Black Lagoon, but you're still a freak like me. Hey, why so serious? Gil, you should smile a lot more."

He started to struggle, of course, but a low blow to the groin quickly took care of that. I started cutting a smile deep into his face. Slashing his neck until the blood came pouring out like a fountain.

Now THIS is fun!

Gil's body fell to the floor. Ignoring the blood, I dropped four Joker cards near the bodies and left the cabin to burn, after throwing a bomb though the window. KAA-BOOOMM!

I never did like Camp Wanna-Weep.

Well, it was time to hit the road. Later on, the police and Commissioner Gordon got out of their cars to survey the damage.

"The Joker's handiwork, again," sighed Gordon, as a uniform cop showed him the souvenirs. You'd think he could be a little more enthusiastic!

Elsewhere, Batgirl was out crime-fighting, while Tim and Jim were helping out in the Batcave. Not that I knew that at the time, of course – but if I did, I'm sure it would have ended up a whole lot differently.

Because Poison Ivy had finally found what she was looking for in her lab, which just happened to be owned by Wayne Enterprise. A new, experimental chemical which would make her plants stronger and help them grow a lot faster.

"My plants will love this," she smiled.

But just then, GJ agents burst though the lab doors, their guns aimed at Poison Ivy. One of them yelled, "You're under arrest! Hands on your head, Poison Ivy!"

She just dropped a seed to the floor. It quickly grew into a giant man-eating plant, and surprise, surprise, guess who it decided to chow down on first?

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! Too bad the plant was bullet-proof as well, fellas.

"So long, boys," laughed Poison Ivy as she escaped the lab.

The giant plant's vines grabbed the agents and ate them whole! It was beautiful, when I heard about it later. Some of them screamed while being ripped apart and eaten alive. Ah well, never mind.

Later at Poison Ivy's greenhouse, she used the chemical on her favorite plants - which ended up killing them, for some reason.

"My babies!" cried Poison Ivy. Well, no time like the present to announce my presence. So I started clapping behind her.

"What a show!" I said. "What do you do for an encore?"

I couldn't help smiling, as she turned around to stare at me.

"You son of a bitch! You killed my plants!" good old Pam yelled furiously.

"AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!" I laughed right in her face. "Poison Ivy, you tried to kill me by hiring Shego to do it. She blasted my ass so that I would fall to my death inside a chemical tank. Well, now we're even. Thanks to you, Kim and Shego. You guys gave me the push I need to become - the Joker."

Poison Ivy was furious. Ye gods, but she was beautiful when she was angry. "How in the hell did you find out?"

"I have my ways," I told her with a smirk.

Good ol' Pam decided to quit playing games at that point, so I threw a vial filled with Joker venom at her. It hit her right in the face.

Poison Ivy started to laugh, as her face turned white and her lips turned blood red. I NEVER get tired of seeing that!

"Guess the joke's on you, Pam."

So I fired my gun. BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! Poison Ivy fell to the ground. Blood poured out from the bullet holes. I was pretty sure her harvest season was done!

"AHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA! And by the way, Pam, that was for hiring those two goons who kidnapped me and gave me my scars!"

Tossing a Joker card at her body, I turned and walked away.

Little did I know that at that moment, Rufus was being found in my former house. His pink skin was all white, and his lips blood red. Good old Rufus was crazy and insane. Just my luck, Kim found him, and she took Rufus to Wade.

"There's no cure for the Joker venom," said Wade. Well, no shit Sherlock!

"Poor Rufus. Is there any way we can get him back to normal, Wade?" asked Kim.

"Not from what I can see. I'm not picking up anything. The only data I've determined is that the Joker venom is a deadly kind of laughing gas."

"Any clue on who the Joker might be?"

"No, Kim. Not without a blood sample or fingerprints. So far, there are no records of the Joker being in Arkham, which means he's never been caught."

Kim sighed at the bad news. She watched as Rufus threw things while laughing insanely in his cage. There was no hope for Rufus. Kim had a hard enough time getting him into his cage.

Still, later she did her duty as Batgirl spin-kicked Black Mask and knocked him out. GJ agents handcuffed Black Mask and his gang, and the bad guys were taken away in a GJ armoured truck. I witnessed it happen.

What I didn't witness happen was a supervillain by the name of Red Mist robbing a bank in Upperton. Still, later on the story was all the rage as the underworld gossip started.

"Nobody do anything stupid, and nobody gets hurt," he said. Red Mist's henchmen loaded the bags with loot from the vault. "Oh...the hell with it." Red Mist took out his gun. Aiming the gun at a hostage, he was just about to shoot...

But at the last second, Kick-Ass hit Red Mist with his baton. BAM! Right into his face. Blood splashed down from Red Mist's face.

"Damn you, Kick-Ass!"

"You're going down, Red Mist." He kicked the gun out of the bad guy's hand.

POW! WHACK! Red Mist went down, and the hostages were all safe thanks to Kick-Ass. Soon enough, Red Mist was taken away to Arkham, and good riddance to him. If I ever come across the guy, I'd have to kill him on general principles.

Some time later at Shego's penthouse, Shego opened the door and walked into the living room. She was surprised to see me sitting in an armchair. Drinking wine from a glass.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she demanded. "And that's my wine you're drinking!"

Shego blasted the glass in my hand. Pieces of it lay on the wooden floor.

"Now, is that any way to treat a guest? Let alone an old friend?" I take out my gun from my coat. BANG! A bullet hits Shego's shoulder. Blood poured out from the wound.

Shego screamed out in pain, naturally enough. She may have a good healing factor, but even that has limits on how quickly it can act. "I'm going to fucking kill you!"

"Now that's more like it," I laughed. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Now we're even. You tried to kill me. Which was a big mistake, Shego."

I could see it in her eyes. She finally recognized me. "Buffoon?"

"Yes! I'm alive, but the old me died that night. It's a shame KP doesn't know that I'm not dead."

"Kim does have a big ego and a hero complex," she admitted. We both laughed, before Shego's wound healed up.

"Oh, look at the time. I must be going," I told her with a smile.

"I'm still going to blast you, buffoon."

"Not if I jump out the window first. Bye!"

BANG! The window shattered as I jump out with a grin on my face. I landed in the bushes. Dusted myself off, and walked away from the penthouse as calm as you please.

"Idiot," Shego snorted to herself. "Now that I know who he really is, I just have to..."

Too late, Shego spotted the empty safe with a Joker card and a bomb in it. The bomb's countdown finally hit zero.

KA-BOOOOMMMM! I watched the whole penthouse go up in flames. I wish I could have seen the look on her face, because there was more than one bomb set up. No way even Shego could survive what I'd arranged to happen to her – she was now roasting in Hell, and good riddance to her.

"If you're gonna go, then always go out in style, that's my motto. AHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Not far away, things weren't looking too good for Two-Face, once known as Dr. Drakken. His men were being killed by a 15-year-old wearing a purple wig, black cape, black gloves, purple jacket, purple pants with black knee-guards and black boots. She had style, I gotta say.

Hit Girl dodged bullets while firing her own pistols. BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! Each and every one of them lay dead. Most of them didn't get a chance to fire their own guns.

Lame, useless henchmen. Couldn't kill a damn kid? No way did they even rate on the minion scale.

Two-Face took aim with his gun. He was beyond pissed off! "That blasted superhero is worse than Kim Possible and Batgirl!"

Kinda ironic, since he doesn't know that Kim and Batgirl are one and the same.

"Just you and me now, you bastard," said Hit Girl.

"You think you're all that, but you're not!"

Hit Girl rolled her eyes. "This guy is a total fucking douche!" Well, it's better description than 'ham' or 'drama queen', you've got to admit.

Before Two-Face could pull the trigger, Hit Girl threw a throwing star at his head. Hit him right between the eyes. Damn, I wish could have seen it for myself.

Two-Face hit the floor face down, his soul already downstairs and starting to get charbroiled. Kick-Ass met up with Hit Girl and they went to fight crime elsewhere in Tricity.

Just their luck, a riot started to take place in Arkham Asylum. The inmates started attacking each other. While the guards tried to stop them, Chris D'amico a.k.a. Red Mist got stabbed in the belly by another inmate.

"That's for killing my brother, you motherfucker!"

Doesn't it give you a good feeling to know that, deep down, family still means something to some people?

To be concluded...


	11. Chapter 11 The Joke Is On You Part 2

Chapter 11 The Joke Is On You Part 2

I honestly didn't get it. That inmate blamed Chris for the death of his brother. One of Frank D'amico's men. He was the stupid bastard that got two kitchen knives thrown into his chest by Hit Girl.

So why did he just watch as Chris bled out and fell onto the stone floor? Apparently, the last thing he ever saw was the smiling face of his killer. It wouldn't have surprised me if he regretted setting up his only friend, Kick-Ass.

Well, too bad. Chris D'amico died and Red Mist is now more. But I had other concerns.

Black Mask with other mobsters were thrown into a truck. I stood on top of the truck and poured in gasoline from an open vent on the roof.

"It's been fun," I laughed. "AHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!"

I lit a lighter. Dropped it through the vent and then jumped off the armoured truck as the gasoline started to burn.

I couldn't see it, of course. But I knew the fire had burned the flesh off their bodies. Black Mask musta looked like Ghost Rider when his head gets coverd in flames.

The police and Commissioner Gordon found the burned up bodies inside of the truck. Oddly enough, they didn't think it was my handiwork because they didn't find any Joker cards.

Oops. Oh well, no one's perfect!

Well, time to move on. Two-Face is dead. Shego is dead. Tara is still in Arkham – but then I found out she was dead too now, killed in the same riot that claimed Red Mist. Guess there's just one last piece of unfinished business.

So I made my way to the Wayne manor, where Kim and Tim and Jim were staying. Straightaway I knew something was wrong. I mean yeah, the rich are paranoid, even more so than the rest of us – but Bruce Wayne had protected his place a little too well for just a millionaire playboy. I took me too long to get close enough to be able to scope the place out properly.

"UHHH! UHHHH! BRUCE! HARDER!" I heard a female voice scream from the master bedroom. Hmm, looked like somebody was getting lucky.

"Selina..." Oh yeah, Mr. Wayne, let's hear you pleasure your whore, now, shall we?

"YOU STOP NOW, AND I'LL KILL YOU!" this 'Selina' person screamed. I couldn't help grinning; looks like Brucie-boy had landed himself a woman who was a real wildcat in bed.

Still, that didn't help me in my objective in locating KP, she wasn't anywhere in the house that I could pick up with my surveillance gear. Time to haul up stakes and track her down.

As it turned out, Kim and Monique were sitting on the couch watching a movie. DING DONG!

Monique got up from the couch to answer the doorbell. She opened the door, only to see that Ron Stoppable was still alive.

"Monique, who is it?" Kim asked behind her back. Then good old Kim gets a better look at who's at the door. "Oh my God, Ron - you're alive?"

"Yeah. Can I come in?" I asked. Monique finally got over her shock and let me come in.

"What the fuck, Ron?" yelled Kim as I came inside. "Where have you been all this time?"

"Yeah. I mean, everyone believed you were dead, dude," said Monique. She hugged me but Kim is obviously still pissed at me for making everyone think I'm dead.

"KP, you're not happy to see me? I'm offended, Kim."

Kim slapped me in the face. "You had me thinking you were dead, damn you!"

"And you shouldn't have done that." BAM! I punched Kim in the face, knocking her down.

Then I took out the Magnum revolver from under my red hoodie. BLAM! BLAM! I shot Monique two times; one in the chest, and other to her head.

I'm not ashamed to admit I enjoyed blowing her brains out. It didn't mean much in the overall scheme of things; it was just a minor bit of pleasure, like unexpectedly treating yourself to an ice cream in the late afternoon. But still, I enjoyed it. Especially the part where the blood went splat all over the wall, before dropping onto the carpet.

Kim wiped the blood from her mouth, looking as if she can't believe what she just witnessed. "You motherfucker!" she shouted at me in hysterics. I sighed.

"Don't hate me because she's dead, just like all the others - you should hate yourself, Kim. You brought this all on yourself, fooling around with Monkey that night."

I took off the 'Ron' face mask and tossed it aside. It gave me a thrill to see Kim jerk back in horror after seeing my new look. At long last, she knew the truth – and damn, but I liked what I was seeing.

"What, there's something on wrong with my face?" I said in a mocking voice.

"Ron, you...you're the Joker? All this time, it was YOU?" she whispered.

"Yes...I'm the Joker. Took you long enough to get it, KP. I was going to let Monique live, y'know. It wasn't worth my time to kill her. But you blew it by coming here today. Big time."

"Why, Ron? Why do all...this?" Kim pleaded with me.

Okay, this was officially ceasing to be fun. "Why? Because the people like you are the ones who made me what I am today," I said with a snarl. "I came to your house that night to find you cheating on me with Josh, and well...one thing just led to another," I said with a big smile.

"By killing people, Ron?"

"Why not? I just want to see the world burn. And I'm a man of my word. Say good night, Kimmie. It's been real." BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

I fired at her three times. Kim just hit the carpet, bleeding out. I left just in time before Batman and Nightwing got there.

The way I heard it later, Batman checked on Kim before he got her out of there. Nightwing saw Monique's body, and he knew that there was nothing he could do for her apart from calling the local meat wagon.

But that was when Nightwing picked up the Ron mask. It was my first, last and only mistake; I'd left them a clue to investigate. Despite KP ending up a vegetable, Batman had enough clues to link Ron Stopabble with the Joker.

"YOU BITCH!" I yelled angrily, as Hit Girl took me down from the rear. She and Kick-Ass had gotten lucky after Batman and Catwoman had put the word out who the Joker really was.

"So, you're that loser Ron Stoppable?" Hit Girl asked. I wanted to smash that smirk off her face, I swear...

"Ron Stoppable is dead, ask anyone. I'm the Joker now," I told her, struggling to get my traitorous arms to move and toss some Joker venom her way. But I was frozen solid, and for the first time EVER, completely helpless.

"Well, Mr. Joker. I'd say the joke's on you – the only place you're going now is Arkham," Kick-Ass told me.

"Unless you want me to do to you what I did to Two-Face? You've made too many enemies lately, I doubt you'd last long before the guards found you having hanged yourself in your cell," Hit Girl smirked.

Well, that did it. Time for the last joke, if you know what I mean.

"Come closer," I whispered to both of them. "I have a confession to make, and my voice is going. Whatever you did to me, I don't think I have much longer..."

Kick-Ass looked confused. "That shouldn't have happened! What kind of weirdo are you?"

"Weirdo? I'm the Joker, Kick-Ass," I whispered. Finally, they both leaned in and I knew I finally had the opportunity to do what I had to do.

Namely, use my last emergency weapon. Modified Joker venom in a false tooth; venom that was deadly even to me. Not that I cared anymore; everyone I'd hated was dead now. Case closed. Vengeance delivered.

I bit down on the false tooth, and blew my last poison breath at the two heroes who had taken me down, but not out.

I had the satisfaction of seeing and hearing both Kick-Ass and Hit Girl succumb to the Joker venom, before I succumbed to it myself.

I guess the Last Joke really was on me, after all.

The End


End file.
